Beyond everything else, we are confounded by some uncomfortable, unavoidable questions. Who are we? Why do we sometimes hide parts of ourselves? We try to explore this deep-rooted sense of our self. We ask – is this because we are fearful of what others may say or think about us? Is this connected to the past experiences and old prejudices? Do we feel burdened – forced – to act in the way that is socially expected of us?
As we look at Women’s’ Day, 2022, it is a good time to investigate the men-friendly system that the world operates in. Caroline Criado’s book Invisible Women: Exposing Data Bias in a World Designed for Men, she talks about simple ideas like the transport design that is structured to be more accommodating to the men in the society. They are commonly designed for the way men commute, not being accommodating towards women who often take their children to school, and perform other essential yet non-monetary chores, forced to take shorter journeys than the men, who have better facilities for long-distance commuting. It made me really think that we become so used to what is the social norm we forget that this is biased to the men. This imbalance become more widespread if we look at the amenities provided to neurodiverse women in a world designed for neurotypicals.
Neurodiversity, and disability are divided by gendered concerns. Women on the autism spectrum, for instance, can often be diagnosed much later than men. This reduces their accessibility for appropriate support mechanism. This imbalance is furthered in medical practice as a broader umbrella, as the “neutral average” while developing and testing medical models for treatment is a man’s body. It is worth looking at the experience, obstacles, and limitations of neurodiverse women.
Many neurodiverse women experience loneliness, and alienation. They are often made to feel that they do not fit in the social structure, especially with other women in and around their lives. This is worse for women as they are expected to conform to a set of rigid social norms a lot more than men, something that is tough to do when your neurodiversity comes as a juxtaposing presence in a world where unspoken, neurotypical social rules are the norm.
Simple acts associated with women – chit-chat, for example – are difficult for these women. They can also find it difficult to be comfortable with the social nuances of interactions with other women, something they are expected to ace. Non-verbal, facial expressions as a way of communication is quite common amongst women, which is difficult for neurodiverse women to follow. This can appear as a major roadblock for these woman as they attempt to fit in a world they find tougher, and tougher to make sense of. Also, neurodiverse women often do not find the common topic of neurotypical women interesting enough, deepening their gap from others. All of these contribute in making the experience of a neurodiverse woman a lonesome one.
At its worst, a lot of neurodiverse women have been reported to have been victimized – bullied – by those around them. This comes as a major concern in their attempts to build meaningful relationships with others. Their efforts are often met with ridicule and rejection, commonly misunderstood by those they are trying to befriend. This can come from an ableist worldview that rejects their style of communication, that may be different from the neurotypical, socially accepted way of communicating. This can also lead others to perceive these neurodiverse woman as impolite, and rude.
Living in a patriarchal world, these rejections can made deep-rooted dents in their self-worth, rendering them to see themselves as incompetent. This plummeting self-worth, and fear of rejection raises the stakes for these women, making them more cautious during a conversation. This not only makes the idea of an interaction more exhausting for them, but also elevates the downside to a poor interaction. The fear of being bullied, berated, and left isolated makes each conversation more important than it should be, making them feel imbalanced and inadequate in their own body. This can cause depression, and anxiety, often resulting in them shutting down.
Neurodiverse women have also been found to be at a higher risk for sexual exploitation, and assault. A reason for this could be that they engage in risky, compromised situations due to their trouble understanding social dynamics and situations. These women have a tough time recognizing and reacting to red flags in relationships. Setting healthy boundaries in a relationship is also something that they struggle with. Because of their inability to share, open-up in a way that has been normalised in a neurotypical-centric world, trauma could feel like an extremely isolating experience for them, especially in absence of a strong emotional support – a mental health professional or a loved one.
Neurodiverse women are often compelled to be good at “masking” their neurodiversity in their endeavour to fight in. This can make them feel like a liar. A fraud. This impacts how they look at themselves, often reducing their self-worth, making them see themselves for their flaws – their discrepancies – than their positive traits. This can lead to a case of them having imposter syndrome.
A lot of neurodiverse women work in male-dominated industries, like their neurotypical counterparts. They often face micro-aggression from the men around them, undermining and demeaning these women in their workplace. This can make women feel like they do not belong in that work setting. So, being a woman and a person with neurodiversity, in a male-dominated industry, can make one particularly vulnerable to feeling lesser than their worth.
Another major concern is the lack of research when it comes to neurodiversity in women. Historically, most research on neurodiversity has been done on men. That has resulted in many health care providers, educators, and mental health professionals to overlook the same as a possible cause for a woman’s behavioural or social difficulties. Further, neurodiverse woman are more commonly misdiagnosed and misunderstood, both by professionals and others. All of this results in isolation and loneliness, making the possibility of rehabilitation a tougher road to take.